Only Love
by IlovemyDeanBean
Summary: It felt easier the first time..and the first time was when he actually meant it...


you don't know why i'm crazy   
i don't know why your blue   
you messed with my head   
you messed with the dead   
now i'm gonna mess with you   
  
*************************  
  
  
"Just sit and let me do this, please?" Carter stood in front of Deb.  
He seemed ansy, never standing still longer than a second to talk to   
his friend excitedly."I can't sound like an idiot, Deb".  
  
She sat on the bench in front of him. It was easier to sit quietly, because  
she was afarid to open her mouth. She had no idea what would come out if she   
did speak. The tears, most likely.  
  
"Jing Mei Chen" Carter got down on one knee,"I felt like I've known you  
forever. You've been everything and more to me. And I love the way I feel  
when I'm with you. I want to be with you, forever. Deb" he picked up her  
hand,"Will you marry me?"  
  
Standing up, she shoved him back and ran into the hospital.  
  
"Deb!"  
  
Behind him, there was loud clapping."Smooth man, real smooth!"  
  
Carter turned around slowly to see a grinning Pratt.  
************************  
  
i don't know why your lazy   
i'm so in love with you   
what's god gonna see   
who's god gonna know   
when's god gonna help us through   
  
************************  
"Deb?"  
  
She held the chart to her tightly."I have work".  
  
Carter leaned against the desk, watching her walk away."Shit!" his hand   
lingered in the jacket pocket where he'd hidden the engagement ring.  
  
"Hey" Abby wrapped her arms around his middle. Carter tensed up, digging his  
hand into the admit desk."Hey" he answered.  
  
"Ready to go?" she asked, pulling her arm into her jacket.  
  
Carter waited, watching Deb close the door to an exam room and make  
her way down the hall, not looking back."I guess."  
  
"I love you" Abby dug her hand into Carter's pocket, looking for his.  
"You know that, right?"  
  
He nodded, letting his girlfriend lead them out of the hospital.  
*************************  
i can't deny i can't explain i can't reply i can't refrain   
i want his hands i want his chest i want his feet i want his sex   
i am the child i am the whore i am the wild woman at your door   
i need to touch i need to talk i need to love i need to give you you up  
*************************  
There was nothing left to do. Deb sat on the end of the exam table, hugging  
herself. There had to be a reason she reacted like she did.  
  
He was down on his knee, and her head spun.It was like all those dreams  
when she woke up with her heart racing, her palms sweaty.He made her nervous.  
He madee her anxious. He made her calm.  
  
"I'm going home!" Deb called, throwing her things over her arm and marching  
out the ambulance bay.  
**************************  
what am i fighting for   
if i win i lose my life   
i need you more and more   
to break my will tonight  
**************************  
  
He sat across from Abby in the restaurant.Everything seemed to be in slow motion.  
Her voice, the waiters, the music in the background.He couldn't tell the difference  
between the fear in his stomach, and this urge to just scream. Or run.  
  
"Are you okay?" Abby asked, putting her wine glass filled with water down  
on the table again."Carter?"  
  
He almost put the ring down on the table.Almost. He almost pulled out the slip of paper  
he had written after he got down on his knee in front of Deb at the hospital. Almost.  
  
"Carter?"  
  
"I'm sorry" he answered, running to the door."I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore".  
Turned out it was more than just the butterflies in his stomach, or the feeling  
that this one woman would break his heart.  
  
  
**************************  
only love can set us free   
only love can bear the truth   
only love can bring us peace   
only love can save me and you  
**************************  
Deb hugged the pillow against her chest. Her work clothes were on the bathroom  
floor, the food she'd forgotten in the microwave was cold. She'd made it her goal  
to unplug the phone, put on her sweats, and just sit in front of the tv.  
  
Try to forget the day, and the way she wanted to jump up and kiss him, the way  
it felt so real.  
  
.."Soliders make their way to the Middle East" the television blared as Deb closed  
her eyes, the day finally setting in. Tomorrow at work, she'd have to smile, and  
congratulate them. Carter will call, ask her to help out with the wedding somehow.  
  
That sinking feeling in her chest came back.  
  
"Deb!" he pounded on her door,"Hey, Deb!!"  
  
She wanted to check her complexion, check to see if her eyes were still blood shot.  
If she really still looked like the mess she felt she was."John?"  
  
He was down on one knee on her porch. His jacket lay on the grass, his tie loosened,  
the first few buttons of his shirt undone. He looked just as frantic as when he was  
praticing with her.  
  
"Jing Mei Chen...I felt like I've known you  
forever. You've been everything and more to me. And I love the way I feel  
when I'm with you. I want to be with you, forever. Deb" this time Carter's  
voice cracked,"Deb, will you marry me?"  
  
***************************  
  
only love can set us free   
only love can bear the truth   
only love can bring us peace   
only love can save me and you   
only love can purify   
only love can conquer fear   
only love can testify   
only love can make a miracle of life 


End file.
